My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
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