are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
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