I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
