i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
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