Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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