Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
