im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
