so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
