i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
