mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
