Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
