Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
did i just pee glitter
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
