From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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