Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
