So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
