Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
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