I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize