Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
cat food counts as protein by the way
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
