Soap is not a condiment
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
