I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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