Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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