I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
