I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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