I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
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