i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
