I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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