Already got asked if we're dating
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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