When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
