I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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