i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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