My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I'm both gender and math confused
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