you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
