Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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