Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
