Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
It's blow job season.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
