He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
