i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
