I think my vagina is haunted
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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