she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
