my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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