these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
