I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
your room smells of hookers.
And success
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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