I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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