dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
