When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
