I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
