WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
