Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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