My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
