Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
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