Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
