the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
well you can't waste a boner
I love having hate sex.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
