i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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