i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I need to calm my uterus...
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Randomize
