I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Girls should come with a carfax report
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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