My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
