five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
