Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
