I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
