yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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