i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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