You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
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