You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I'm like, not good at living.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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