you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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