I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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