I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
