I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
My ATM looks so different sober.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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