he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
i barfeds in our rink
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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