My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
