I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
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