You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
