Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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