Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
